Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Scrapbook Of Scum And Villainy
Happy weekend, wonktastic ones! You know how it works: ybf Every weekend we see what horrible crud is stuck in our open browser tabs, bring you the stories that are too stoopid to ignore, but not quite worth a full post on their own, and then spend the rest of the day waiting for Heidi N. Moore to complain that we STOLED her brilliant idea that was hers first. And so we proudly present “Today in Tabs, by Heidi N. Moore.” Our first story in Today in Tabs, by Heidi N. Moore, is an update on awesome Tea Party Hero Tim Donnelly, ybf the California Assemblyman ybf who bravely announced that he was removing his 13-year-old son from the Government schools because transgender toilet tyranny. (Just shut up about how the family had already decided on sending the kid to private school before the bill passed ybf — they’re taking a stand here.) Mr. Donnelly recently announced he’s running for governor, and will create a “tsunami of jobs” by cutting regulation and putting a gun in every gun safe. Also he has huge testicles and a sexy wife, as Maria Conchita Alonso tells us in his insane campaign ad.
You need to see this ad — yes, even you video non-clickers. We especially like the part in the middle, where Alonso goes “off script” ybf and argues with him about hunting, ybf because she loves the little furry critters. As ThinkProgress ybf notes, it’s doubtful whether having a Spanish-speaking ybf lady in the ad will get Donnelly a lot of support with Latino voters, what with his being a founding member of the California Minutemen border vigilantes and all. Oh, also, he’ll reduce regulations but also make California McDonalds pay $20 an hour, since that’s what they pay in North Dakota. (Maybe he’ll discover oil in an unpopulated area to replicate the conditions that brought that about in North Dakota). We also had an open tab (thanks ybf for the idea, Heidi N. Moore!) with this dumb thing from Daily Caller: You maybe heard about that completely fake scandal with Chris Christie’s administration having blocked traffic on a bridge? Well did you know that both sides do exactly the same thing? Daily Caller’s false equivalency editor Patrick Howley revealed that New York Mayor Bill de Blasio s “handpicked City Council speaker” Melissa Mark-Viverito was among the Occupy Wall Street protestors who were arrested for blocking traffic on the Brooklyn Bridge on November 17, 2011. Why, she and the other protestors sat down on the roadway for entire minutes before being arrested! But is she apologetic? ybf No! Unlike Chris Christie, who is very, very sorry that his administration created gridlock all over Fort Lee for four days — and let’s not forget the delayed paramedics ) — Melissa Mark-Viverito is not the least bit apologetic for having participated in a completely equivalent traffic-delaying action. But has the liberal media even mentioned her treachery, which may also rank with that of Hillary Clinton on Benghazi, which the liberal media also never mentioned? No. The liberal media has not. And you also did not read this paragraph. In a Texas Monthly piece published last week, freshman Rep. Joaquín Castro revealed that John Boehner said a swear about Iowa Congressderper Steve King a while back. When King made his infamous remarks about Dream Act kids being mostly drug mules with “calves the size of cantaloupes,” Boehner denounced the remarks. Shortly ybf after that public rebuke, Castro says, Boehner shared a more private opinion: On a day not too long after Boehner s political body check of Steve King for his immigration comments, the speaker ybf was milling around the aisle walkway in the middle section of the House floor where the Democratic ybf and Republican territories meet. Another Texas Democrat and I were standing a few feet away, and as the speaker passed us we thanked him for denouncing King s offensive comments. He slowed his stride and then paused to turn toward us. What an asshole, he said. My thoughts exactly, Mr. Speaker. So say we all, Mr. Speaker. And Heidi N. Moore will be glad to know we have now closed that tab, too. Say, speaking of the terminus of the alimentary canal, how about thin-skinned Supreme Court Associate Justice Antonin Scalia, who fumed at an attorney who was making his first appearance before the Court, Counsel, you are not reading this, are you? Egad, an attorney consulting notes in the presence of the exalted Antonin Scalia? Maybe that is the way they behave in Podunk Municipal Traffic Court, Counsel, ybf but do you know where you are? You are in an atmosphere of decorum and gravitas, which is why Justice Scalia gets to reserve all the dick moves for himself. That was almost as petulant as complaining ybf that other bloggers are putting together ybf stories culled from their open browser tabs, when Heidi N. Moore clearly thought of it first. What’
Happy weekend, wonktastic ones! You know how it works: ybf Every weekend we see what horrible crud is stuck in our open browser tabs, bring you the stories that are too stoopid to ignore, but not quite worth a full post on their own, and then spend the rest of the day waiting for Heidi N. Moore to complain that we STOLED her brilliant idea that was hers first. And so we proudly present “Today in Tabs, by Heidi N. Moore.” Our first story in Today in Tabs, by Heidi N. Moore, is an update on awesome Tea Party Hero Tim Donnelly, ybf the California Assemblyman ybf who bravely announced that he was removing his 13-year-old son from the Government schools because transgender toilet tyranny. (Just shut up about how the family had already decided on sending the kid to private school before the bill passed ybf — they’re taking a stand here.) Mr. Donnelly recently announced he’s running for governor, and will create a “tsunami of jobs” by cutting regulation and putting a gun in every gun safe. Also he has huge testicles and a sexy wife, as Maria Conchita Alonso tells us in his insane campaign ad.
You need to see this ad — yes, even you video non-clickers. We especially like the part in the middle, where Alonso goes “off script” ybf and argues with him about hunting, ybf because she loves the little furry critters. As ThinkProgress ybf notes, it’s doubtful whether having a Spanish-speaking ybf lady in the ad will get Donnelly a lot of support with Latino voters, what with his being a founding member of the California Minutemen border vigilantes and all. Oh, also, he’ll reduce regulations but also make California McDonalds pay $20 an hour, since that’s what they pay in North Dakota. (Maybe he’ll discover oil in an unpopulated area to replicate the conditions that brought that about in North Dakota). We also had an open tab (thanks ybf for the idea, Heidi N. Moore!) with this dumb thing from Daily Caller: You maybe heard about that completely fake scandal with Chris Christie’s administration having blocked traffic on a bridge? Well did you know that both sides do exactly the same thing? Daily Caller’s false equivalency editor Patrick Howley revealed that New York Mayor Bill de Blasio s “handpicked City Council speaker” Melissa Mark-Viverito was among the Occupy Wall Street protestors who were arrested for blocking traffic on the Brooklyn Bridge on November 17, 2011. Why, she and the other protestors sat down on the roadway for entire minutes before being arrested! But is she apologetic? ybf No! Unlike Chris Christie, who is very, very sorry that his administration created gridlock all over Fort Lee for four days — and let’s not forget the delayed paramedics ) — Melissa Mark-Viverito is not the least bit apologetic for having participated in a completely equivalent traffic-delaying action. But has the liberal media even mentioned her treachery, which may also rank with that of Hillary Clinton on Benghazi, which the liberal media also never mentioned? No. The liberal media has not. And you also did not read this paragraph. In a Texas Monthly piece published last week, freshman Rep. Joaquín Castro revealed that John Boehner said a swear about Iowa Congressderper Steve King a while back. When King made his infamous remarks about Dream Act kids being mostly drug mules with “calves the size of cantaloupes,” Boehner denounced the remarks. Shortly ybf after that public rebuke, Castro says, Boehner shared a more private opinion: On a day not too long after Boehner s political body check of Steve King for his immigration comments, the speaker ybf was milling around the aisle walkway in the middle section of the House floor where the Democratic ybf and Republican territories meet. Another Texas Democrat and I were standing a few feet away, and as the speaker passed us we thanked him for denouncing King s offensive comments. He slowed his stride and then paused to turn toward us. What an asshole, he said. My thoughts exactly, Mr. Speaker. So say we all, Mr. Speaker. And Heidi N. Moore will be glad to know we have now closed that tab, too. Say, speaking of the terminus of the alimentary canal, how about thin-skinned Supreme Court Associate Justice Antonin Scalia, who fumed at an attorney who was making his first appearance before the Court, Counsel, you are not reading this, are you? Egad, an attorney consulting notes in the presence of the exalted Antonin Scalia? Maybe that is the way they behave in Podunk Municipal Traffic Court, Counsel, ybf but do you know where you are? You are in an atmosphere of decorum and gravitas, which is why Justice Scalia gets to reserve all the dick moves for himself. That was almost as petulant as complaining ybf that other bloggers are putting together ybf stories culled from their open browser tabs, when Heidi N. Moore clearly thought of it first. What’
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